Difficult First Night Home

Last night was difficult for me. Jordan's feedings seemed to go well during the day but at her 10pm feeding I started having some technical difficulties with the syringe part of the feeding tube that I use to check if there is any residual food from her last feeding. I am supposed to do this to determine if it is okay to feed her yet or if I need to wait another hour to let her food digest. Well, it was kinda sticking and I was having difficulty with it, but I made it work and figured it was just maybe a little sticky or something.

Then I went to bed around 11 and woke up for her 1am feeding. I was soooo tired but got up and got everything together. When I tried to stick the syringe into the tube it wouldn't go in at all. It was almost like it got stretched out and wouldn't fit into it. I struggled with it for a few minutes and then Derrick came into Jordan's room to help and took it out to the kitchen to work on it. He came back in and had used some Pediasure to lubricate it to get it to go in. It was extremely difficult to pull back on to check the residuals in her stomach, but I felt there wasn't much there and it was okay to proceed with her feeding. Derrick left and went to take a shower and get ready for bed (yes, he was still up putting together some projector brackets for a project at church). I fed Jordan her Pediasure and then gathered all of the feeding tubes and accessories to go clean them. I opened the door from Jordan's room into ours and closed it behind me.

That's when I realized there was a bat flying around our bedroom!!! I knew Derrick had seen one the night before but couldn't find it after searching the house for an hour and thought maybe it somehow got out of the house. Well, apparently it was still here. I freaked out and ducked down onto the floor and covered my head with my hands. I yelled for Derrick and told him the bat was in our room and he came and looked in and told me to go back into Jordan's room. I was scared so it took me a few minutes and finally I jumped up and quickly slid through the door and shut it behind me. Derrick turned on the light to our bedroom and grabbed our bat killing tennis rackets (this happens several times a year) and got it and took it outside.

By this time, Jordan was crying so I had picked her up and was rocking her. Partly for her comfort, and partly for mine. Derrick came in and told me that it was gone and he went back to getting ready for bed. At this point, I was completely flooded with emotions and started crying. I realized that I had not yet dealt with everything that we had just gone through. I was overcome with the realization that Jordan's feeding issues were severe enough that she required a medical intervention to get her nutrition. I mourned over the fact that she now had a tube sticking out of her tummy and she would always have a scar from the surgery. I feared what the future might hold and the unknown that lay ahead of us. I rejoiced that everything had gone well and she was healing quickly. There were so many things running through my mind I didn't know what I was actually feeling.

I eventually made it back to bed and cried for a while before falling asleep. When I got up for Jordan's 4am feeding, I had more difficulties with the syringe and the rubber stopper popped off inside the tube. I fished it out with my hand and proceeded with the feeding assuming she was ready to be fed. She took it well and fell right back to sleep. I was exhausted and had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep at this point so I quickly fell asleep. I got up for her 7am feeding and started having difficulty with the syringe and decided to just bypass that step of the feeding. She again tolerated the feeding well and went back to sleep. I got a little more sleep before I heard Jordan waking up and got up myself to take a quick shower. I am now remembering just how exhausting it is to get up in the middle of the night to feed a baby. I will definitely try to get a nap this afternoon when she goes down for hers.

I thought the hospital had sent us home with extra feeding supplies but when I unpacked everything at home, I found out it was tubes for the other kind of G-tube and that there was no syringe tube. I was quite frustrated with this, but didn't figure I would need replacement parts this soon. I have called the surgeon and he wants me to skip that step of the feeding and to call their office on Monday to have them order extra supplies from the home health care company.

Please pray that we have no more difficulties with Jordan's feedings and that I gain confidence in knowing I am doing things correctly. Pray also for some peace for me as I adjust to this new phase in Jordan's development. Thank You!!