Final Preparations

Well, this is it...Jordan's IEP is in 2 hours.  It's early in the morning so my brain is still kinda slow. I have spent time over the past few days reading through her past IEP's, reading through info I found online, talking with and listening to other people's thoughts and ideas, and now there is nothing more I can do.

Last night I finally realized that God is in control.  He loves Jordan more than I do...although I'm not even sure that is possible!!  I believe that since the day she was conceived, she has faced numerous obstacles...some of which, other children never overcome...and yet she is here...and she is strong...and she is amazing! 

I know that over the past year or so I came to the realization that I needed to stop praying for Jordan to be able to eat, to be able to talk, to be "normal."  I started to pray that God would work inside her and make her His.  I prayed that He would use her in whatever way He needed to, not the way I wanted her to be.  I prayed that He would give her what she needed, not what I wanted her to have.  These prayers became extremely healing for me.  I no longer worried about her future, I knew that God had that in His control.

I now realized that it is okay to hurt, to grieve, and to cry the losses in our life.  But we also need to be able to get up and move on and know that it is not always up to us to determine the path for those we love.  I love my husband and my kids, but I don't own and/or control them.  I have been given the enormous responsibility of being a symbol of God in their lives, someone to lead them to Him, but I am NOT Him.  I do not hold the responsibility of making sure everything goes as I have planned...it's not up to me. 

Therefore, I lay this morning's meeting and Jordan's IEP before God.  I know that I have done everything I can to prepare myself for this meeting, and I look forward to creating a workable plan for her education, but I know that God will also be present at the meeting.  I believe that if I can just sit back and allow Him to participate, I will find that things will work out better in the end.